Friends.

After not having posted on here for about 2 months, I felt the need to express myself. The biggest reason I haven't been posting is because truthfully, I have nothing to say. I could talk about how I'm studying for finals right now, or how, despite my achievements on my first set of midterms in math and econ, I didn't maintain myself on the second set of midterms. But, what's the point? You don't care, and I really don't care enough to post endless crap about myself on the internet that has no value to myself or others.

But to get back to why I decided to post, the reason behind it is that I need to express the importance of friendship and friends. What really is a friend? Well, if I'm gonna go all technical on you, the dictionary states it as : "a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations; a person who acts as a supporter of a cause, organization, or country by giving financial or other help".

If you are like me, you're probably like, what the fuck is that suppose to mean? Well, I don't know. nor do I really care. What does a friend really mean?  I found this to be quite cute:

"Friends are special people. If you are a friend, it means you were chosen. You are not in someone's life by happenstance, or by accident of birth. You're in someone's life because he or she wants you there. Every friend is a gift from God. Treat each of your friends as the gift he or she is.

A true friend keeps promises. A true friend keeps appointments. A true friend will not say things she knows will hurt the other's feelings. A true friend will only give constructive criticism, and only when asked. A true friend will not force herself on you when you want to be alone. A true friend will know when to listen without speaking."

As cheesy as that is, it's true. And recently, being in university, the place where "you're going to meet the people who will be your best friends for the rest of your life", I feel...well, friendless. Well, not friendless, but best friendless. Sure, I have my floormates who I have breakfast, lunch, and dinner with every day. The few that I feel comfortable going into their rooms, lying on their bed, and complaining about life. The few that will go down to Hubbards with me to get a popsicle or some chocolate. But I know these are just for now. These are just because we're on the same floor. I know a few of them are my friends, some even best friends, but you know that one best friend that knows EVERYTHING about you? That one best friend you can rely on to go shopping with? To call or text when you feel like your life is going downhill? That one that no matter how many other friends you have, you can always turn to each other?

I don't have that anymore.

I came to this realization yesterday as I saw my best friend pretty much fade away as my best friend. People say you don't come to university with boyfriends, because it doesn't last. Apparently, it's the same thing with best friends. While we both live in the same residence area, we live in different buildings and have made different friends on our floors. However, despite making new friends, I still thought we'd be best friends and still make time to talk, go out for dinner, go shopping. I was wrong. The only time we ever saw each other is when we had class or had to be together, and even then, it wasn't like before. We really had nothing to say to each other, and even though I'd try, it felt she didn't care or even want to talk. So in silence we walked.
Even after asking her about it, and we talked a bit (more like I did the talking and she did the 'mhmm's' and 'yaaaa' ), I know that we've grown apart. She's made an asian clique that I simply don't fit into, probably because of the fact that I'm not asian and don't feel a part of it. So, as I sit here writing and previously studying Italian, I realize that I don't have a best friend anymore. and it's sad.
It felt like just yesterday we were talking about sharing an apartment quad next year and we were going to be having tons of fun. And, now, I'm applying for those apartments on my own, because she isn't "sure anymore" if she wants to. And she probably will live with the girls she's now befriended, and it's fine.
I don't mind the fact that she's made new friends, I have too. But I didn't want us to drift apart because of it. But evidently, we have. So now, I feel alone.
I use to look at my older sister and think, "she doesn't have that many friends or a best friend, but she looks happy", so I thought, I'd be okay, after all, you don't need a lot of friends. and I still hold to that: I don't believe that it is necessary to have many best friends. For me, I'd rather have a core group of girls (and some guys) who are my closest friends rather than a huge group of 'friends'. However, now that I look at my sister, her life is filled with people. She's constantly going out for coffee with someone, going out for dinner, spending time with her boyfriend. And me? well, I spend my weekends now at home with my mom, dad, and dog, studying and watching TV. yay me.
So, I don't know. Was this meant to be this way? Were we meant to drift apart? Were we meant to still be friends but not so close anymore? Am I suppose to meet a best friend soon? I don't know the answer at all.
I'm making myself a public resolution for next semester, since we only have one class together and I might even be sitting with some other friends in that class: I want to make one new friend in every one of my classes. Not just a sitting buddy, meaning we sit together each class because we're comfortable enough to not sit beside randoms all the time, but a friend. Someone who, after class, we can go grab some lunch or dinner together. So that is my resolution: Meet one new person and become friends. It's a lofty goal, especially for someone who, although I say I'm bubbly, is super shy when it comes to meeting new people.
And for me and my best friend? I don't know what will happen with us. Maybe we'll hang out more often over the break and work on things next semester. Or maybe, while we may hang out over the break, we won't be as close next semester. maybe, it's not meant to be. I don't know. But I leave you with these two quotes:

"Many people will walk in and out of you life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart."- Anonymous

“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”-Marilyn Monroe