Since it's already been, well, about 2 weeks since moving into rez here at UBC, I decided to do a little bit of an update on everything.I've learned a lot in my 2 weeks of emotional ups and downs, my days of enjoyment and the days I just wanted to go home. It may only be 2 weeks, but the experiences I have encountered so far have forever changed me. There's questions I ask myself everyday, and I think I will continue asking myself everyday, but for now, I just have to go with it.
My first two weeks were hard, to say the least. While first being ecstatic that I was going to live in rez, and in a building that was co-ed, including the floors, I thought that this was going to be the best year of my life right off the bat. Let's just say I was OH SO WRONG. I had trouble fitting in, and I have to admit, I still do. I thought that being in a building with co-ed floors would mean that it would be more fun, but I soon discovered that it was actually the single gendered floors who made the most friends. Obviously, this is something new to me, but it was weird being in a new place and being surrounded by a sea of people around campus and on my floor, but feeling so alone. I slowly felt as if everyone was making friends, getting along, and I felt trapped with my high school friends. Not that I believe that there is anything wrong with keeping my old friends, but everyone says "university is the time to make the friends that will last you a lifetime". I didn't feel that was so accurate in my case.
So, I wanted to go home. Really badly. I cried every night, felt so alone, and felt myself spiral into a bit of a sort of a depression. I didn't want to admit it, but I thought about it, "was there something wrong with me?" I sought out advice from people who have given me guidance in the past, and while they reassured me that it would take a while, I didn't feel that was true. After all, everyone was making friends, why wasn't I? As I slowly met new people, I started feeling a little better. But I still wasn't sure, I may have met new people, but were these so called students going to be my friends? I still don't have an answer to that. I've made a few friends, and I guess slowly, I will be making more. As someone said to me "not everyone make a huge group of friends from the first few weeks. It takes a while to form a meaningful group of friends that will really last you a lifetime".
So where do I stand now? I've considered switching houses, even residences, but I thought about it in the end, would it be worth it? What if I wasted all that time and the experience was the same, if not worse? Should I give up because things aren't going my way or should I work on it? I have to say that I'm going to work at it. I have to blame part of the fact I'm not making that many friends and feeling lonely on myself, because it is I who am causing my own demise in this "play" we call Residence Life. Have I started making more friends? A few. For me, it takes time. and the best way to make friends is to establish a close connection with a few people and meet friends they've made. That's how you establish yourself. While I may want to go home, I don't want to be the girl who goes back home for every problem. Family and a home is there when you need it, but I need to get out into the world and make my own connections, experiences (both good and bad), and establish a life.
So what advice do I have for the people who may be reading this feeling as if everyone says that "University is the best time of your life. You make tons of friends. You have tons of fun"?
I say that it's true. But, I don't want you to believe it will happen to you just right off the bat. Fuck, it's only been 2 weeks and I'm still working at it, and I'll probably we working at it for a long time. Here's the advice I can give:
1. Don't give up, and go home (obviously, in some cases where you are an international student, that's not possible). You're only letting yourself down, and you are not learning from your experiences. It will get better, trust me on that.
2. Find people, even if it's just one or two, who seem to feel the way you do. Although it's hard to believe, you aren't the only one who is going through what you are going through. I definitely didn't believe it, but now I do. While others didn't make friends because the people on their floor didn't talk to them, and others felt lonely even when everyone on their floor was super friendly with each other, there are other people going through the same thing.
3. Try to talk to people in your classes. While my post is geared more for people living in residence, this point is true for commuters as well. Sit next to people that seem interesting. Introduce yourself. Talk to them. Find them next class and sit with them again. It will become habit and that's just one more person you've established a connection with. Who cares if they live in another residence, off campus, whatever? You've still made a new friend.
4. Join clubs or groups that seem interesting. One regret I have this year is not rushing sororities. I use to joke around and say that it was a waste of time, for people who couldn't make friends otherwise, but that's so not true! Sororities is a great way to make a close knit group of people who you can talk to and have fun with. Just make sure you pick the right one for you; just because they're super happy and excited during the tours, doesn't mean that is how they are in day-to-day life. Research on the sorority, and pick the one you feel you see yourself as a part of. After all, you're going to be spending a lot of time with these women and they'll literally end up being "your sisters for life". Besides sororities, join clubs that interest you. You can join ethnic clubs, but you don't have to be of that ethnicity to join! Join whatever interests you, this way, you will make the most of it.
You only get one chance at university. So make it your own. Just because others are having a great experience right off the bat (or so it seems), doesn't mean you will to. You will make friends at your own pace. Take risks-otherwise, you'll always just end up doing the same routine every day. And don't give up, because I know that if I were to give up, I'd be losing a lot. Make the best of it!
I'm heading home for the weekend, so I probably won't be updating. I hope you feel a bit better after this post; after all, if anyone understands how you feel, it's me. Have an awesome weekend and make the most of every opportunity you're faced with!
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